you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
