Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
