They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
