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How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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