For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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