when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
