shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
