Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
