It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
