can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
