But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize