That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
