I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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