Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
