we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
