no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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