Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
