i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
