i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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