That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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