there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
