i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
