You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Say something about gay babies.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
