Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
