You don't have asthma, your pregnant
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
