one two three fourrrrnication!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
