Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
