The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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