My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
