he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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