So drunk its hurt
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
