I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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