According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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