i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
