he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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