I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
