Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
