Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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