'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
