My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
