that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
