remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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