Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He passed out mid-signature
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
