I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
