So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
