shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
