Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A bitchslap is in order.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
