So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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