When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
