She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize