when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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