I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
