Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
