Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
