Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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