have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
