Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize