Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
