Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
