You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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