Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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