Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
