Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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